“The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.”

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The 86 Rules of Boozing!

  1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
  2. Always toast before doing a shot.
  3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
  4. Change your toast at least once a month.
  5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake!
  6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
  7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

Some other highlights...

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

(Click on the picture at the top to read the entire list!)


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